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Violet Fenn Explores the Prostate

With the seemingly never ending flow of new sex toys designs, retailers are bringing out products that may seem unusual to many but which are absolutely brilliant once you’ve got your head around them. Prostate massagers are big business these days, with more and more people willing to give them a try.

But before we get onto the shopping side of things, what do prostate massagers actually do?

Let’s get back to basics. Whether or not you are the owner of a prostate, it’s worth knowing what it is and what it does, in order to make the most of its fun potential.

A small gland about the size of a walnut, the prostate is wrapped around a section of the urethral tube, between the bladder and the penis. It produces both the thick white fluid that mixes with sperm in order to make semen and also a protein – prostate-specific antigen (PSA) – which turns the semen into a liquid.

There is some evidence – yet to be clinically proven - that prostate massage can help keep the male reproductive system healthy, by clearing the prostatic duct.

Regardless of any real or imagined health benefits, the prostate can, with a little bit of care and practise, be stimulated in a most delightful manner. Indeed it is actually possible to produce orgasmic results without involving the penis at all.

Who wouldn’t want to know how to have an orgasm without even needing an erection - and potentially multiple ones at that? A whole new sexy world awaits – onwards!

Where to start?

I’m approaching this from the perspective of the person doing the pleasure-giving, because I don’t personally have a prostate and have to get my fun where I can.

First up, think about whether you’re both happy with anal play, because this is the easiest and most common way of stimulating the prostate.

Stock up with plenty of lube – and for hygiene reasons it’s worth considering disposable gloves as well. Please note that we are going to assume for the fairly obvious purposes of this article that everyone is fine with bodily functions and won’t freak out if they have to wash their hands a bit afterwards. We’re talking bottoms, which by their very nature can be a bit germy even if they’re super-clean, so if you wear gloves you can just throw them away afterwards and it saves a lot of bother.

Get your partner to lie on their back with their legs apart and make yourself comfortable between their knees. As always, foreplay is good – don’t just start poking! Stroke and stimulate the perineum and the penis before working your way to the anus.

Relaxation is the key, especially if this is a new experience – if your partner tenses up mentally then so will their body, making it uncomfortable for them and unnerving for you. Those muscles can be strong, believe me.

Slide a single, well-lubed finger in and crook it up slightly, as if beckoning them towards you. Go gently – we’re talking subtle pressure here, not an intimate version of hook-a-duck.

With any luck, you will be able to feel the prostate as a ridged patch on the front wall of the rectum – try stroking it slowly and carefully, using your partner’s reactions as guidance.

The problem you might find with using your fingers is that they’re often not long enough to actually reach the promised land – which brings us to commercial prostate massagers.

Designed specifically for this purpose, these brilliant toys reach the places that really matter. Many have a vibrating function, but you can obviously switch it off if you prefer. That said, the men I’ve spoken to about this fun hobby are unanimous in their belief that good vibrations make all the difference.

Hygiene again – it’s a very good idea to use condoms on any toy that’s going into someone’s butt, because it makes bacterial transfer far less likely (this is also a good idea for any shared toys for exactly the same reason, regardless of which orifice you’re actually using them in).

The toy might need wriggling around a bit in order to find optimum positioning – and again, lube is your friend here – but the joy of butt play is that because of the way sphincter muscles work, anal toys usually stay put without being touched.

Which leaves your hands free for anything else you might fancy. Win-win, people!

In short – take it slowly, don’t expect miracles first time and give it plenty of practice. Regardless of whether or not you even hit the P-spot heights, there is a certain joy to be had in simply trying new things.

What if you’re simply not into butt play? Absolutely no problem – it goes without saying that no one should have to do anything they don’t want to. But you still don’t have to miss out, because the prostate can be stimulated via the perineum - the area between the testicles and anus. 

As you’re working through quite a dense layer of skin and muscle this way, it can be easier to try it with a wand massager. Keep it on a low setting to start with and use plenty of lube so that you can slide it around until you find that sweet spot. And don’t forget that perineum massage can be deeply pleasurable for women, too – share the fun.

One last thing. ‘Why would a straight man want to do this?’ is an actual question that I have been asked, sadly more than once. To which the most obvious answer is, ‘Why the hell wouldn’t you want to find easy, new ways of hitting the peaks of pleasure?’

Bodies are brilliant – as well as their basic function of, you know, keeping us alive, they can provide huge amounts of pleasure.  There are no rules around what is ‘acceptable’ to do with your own body, so long as you take care to not harm either yourself or others.

Drop your inhibitions along with your pants, get to grips with the secret bits of anatomy you might not be familiar with and prepare for fun.

If you're curious about prostate play, you might like these products, available now at

Our fantastic guest blogger Violet Fenn is also a UK-based lifestyle and sexual happiness blogger and founder of the blog Sex, Death, Rock 'n' Roll. When she isn't Wanking for Lemmy , you'll likely find Violet sipping on a Sipsmith Lemon Drizzle Gin. (solely for research purposes, we promise.)


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